Growth… But First, Fear

(My husband and I attended the Growth Summit in Phoenix, Arizona, Oct 19-21, 2017.  There were the most incredible, inspiring and influential people there.  Brendon Burchard, Larry King, Dr. Daniel Amen, Dean Graziosi, Ethan Willis, Trent Shelton, Chris and Heidi Powell, Daniel “Rudy” Reuttiger, Harvey McKay, and more.  I will share my biggest moment from that weekend with you.) 

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“What’s the story you are telling yourself that is stopping you from reaching your goal?”

I can’t remember if it was Brendon Burchard, Dean Graziosi or Ethan Willis who asked this question, but I do remember it was 6:50pm on Thursday, one week ago, when all three of them stood on that stage, 20 feet in front of me, and I thought:

That’s it!

It is my thoughts.

I think that I need to be “perfect” for people to want to connect with me, want to learn from me, and be able to trust me.

And then suddenly, overwhelming FEAR set in.  Why fear?  Because I knew at that moment, in order to move forward, to achieve my goals, I needed to change my thoughts, change my mindset. That’s scary.

   F   forget

            E   everything

A   and

R   run

I took the evening to quietly contemplate how I might begin my journey of changing my imprisoning mindset to an empowering one.

I repeated Brendon’s words from the day back to myself like a mantra,

“Own your dream!”

“Do not live below your potential.”

I asked myself over and over:

What am I afraid of?

  • Not being perfect?
  • Not measuring up to society’s standards?
  • Judgment from others?

I thought… pfft… I can handle that! I can change that! Those things may bother me a little bit subconsciously, but with some conscious effort, I’m back in the game baby!

The next morning, I woke up feeling more empowered, positive, ready to take on new challenges.

Later that afternoon, as Trent Shelton inspired everyone in that room, asking the pointed questions… SHIT GOT REAL for me!

“What are you running from, that you need to stop running from?”

“OWN yourself!

OWN your imperfections, your past, your mistakes!

Then NO ONE can hold it against you.

BE YOURSELF!”

Then for the bombshell:

“What’s going to be YOUR story that changes the world?”

  • Give the world your story, it is the ONLY way to influence change in others
  • Be transparent.  Share the things you aren’t proud of; THAT is how you will influence others!
  • You never know who is watching; you never know who you are going to effect.
  • Give your pain, your struggle a voice.
  • *Share your journey, don’t worry about it being perfect.

NO… WAY… IN… HELLLLLL!

Forget Everything And Run! FEAR! FEAR! FEAR!

Thanks Trent 😉

There it was! The TRUE answer to the question:

“What’s the story you are telling yourself that is stopping you from reaching your goal?”

I, Krista, cannot share my personal story, my journey with the world. 

I cannot be transparent. 

I cannot share my pain, my struggles.

Yet I KNOW, in my heart and mind, this IS the only way to influence change.

So… what now?

Alot of tears; Support from my wonderful husband who took the time that evening to identify the positive steps I had already taken in this direction.

Both being Life Coaches, of course we discussed goal setting and strategies for moving forward based on past successes.  We also discussed how each success would be celebrated.

I guess I hadn’t even thought about some of my successes in this area, until that night.  I thought I was starting at zero.  Sharing them now will be another success.

growth-ahead       I will share one for the first time to begin this journey… deep breath. 

On my website, I briefly share that I was widowed at 37 years old.  My husband died by suicide after 13 years of marriage. I don’t have shame, I don’t have guilt because he chose to take his life. I do have guilt because of what it did to my daughter and my other daughter who is no longer with us.  I didn’t fully understand the damage that was being done with us all living under one roof, as a family.  I thought it was safer for my girls, to keep us all together rather than to have them alone with him on weekends, if we were to separate.  

Our marriage did end, but my husband slept in the guest room for ten months and we made every effort to make it appear “normal” to our girls and everyone else.  At that time, I did very seriously look into whether my children could be protected by the mental health act or any act for that matter, and not be under his care if they chose (despite their young ages), but they could not.  He had rights to see his children (which I didn’t want to keep him from) unsupervised, despite his serious mental health concerns. So I did what I thought was best for as long as possible. I believe I was wrong now. I continue to live with the consequences of my decisions. I continue to work through my guilt. 

F   face

            E   everything

A   and

R    rise

I am changing my definition of fear as I work through this process. I am allowing fear to contribute to my growth.

Holy cow!  I did it!

What am I running from? Not that!  I’m on a roll.

Here’s something no one knew… (well some friends and family knew our story, but not that it is available on Amazon) 😉

In 2015, I wrote a personal story about our ectopic losses that was published in the book, The Untold Stories of Ectopic Pregnancies, Part 2, {Compiled by Cindy Sexton, available on Amazon.com}, entitled “Our Bean and Our Blueberry”.  (and told no one lol)

In March 2014, we had a ruptured ectopic.  I lost a baby with a beating heart, that we heard, more than once.  I also lost a fallopian tube.  My life was very much in danger, but I recovered well. In July 2014, at 8 weeks pregnant again, we had another ruptured ectopic.  This time I felt immense pain around my kidneys, shoulder blades and eventually lungs from the internal bleeding.  I lost another baby with teeny arms and stubs for legs and a healthy beating heart.  I also lost my second fallopian tube and experienced damage to my ovary as a cyst the size of an orange was removed. I lost alot of blood, and this time, the fight back was not as easy.

I am a private person.  Our wedding was scheduled for less than two weeks.  We had to change the date and tell those that were invited and all the vendors.  We were showered with love and kindness.  We didn’t however, take the time to grieve as we had to replan our wedding, and focus on my recovery.  That is why I wrote the story.  It was my therapy.  I did it for me.

I have more difficult stories to share. I will continue to work up the courage to do so by changing my mindset, changing my thoughts and reminding myself of the importance of authenticity.

I am grateful for such a forum, I am grateful for the inspiration and encouragement from Trent Shelton, Brendon Burchard and others last weekend.

I know from past losses and past trauma, that the only way to repair is to face the pain.

“Pain is the foundation of strength.”  -Trent Shelton

The toughest moments in your life, the moments you hate the most, the moments that are most difficult to share – those are the moments that build you up the most!  Those are the moments that make you GROW!  Those are the moments that inspire others to grow!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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