Growth… But First, Fear

(My husband and I attended the Growth Summit in Phoenix, Arizona, Oct 19-21, 2017. There were the most incredible, inspiring and influential people there. Brendon Burchard, Larry King, Dr. Daniel Amen, Dean Graziosi, Ethan Willis, Trent Shelton, Chris and Heidi Powell, Daniel “Rudy” Reuttiger, Harvey McKay, and more. I will share my biggest moment from that weekend with you.)

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“What’s the story you are telling yourself that is stopping you from reaching your goal?”

I can’t remember if it was Brendon Burchard, Dean Graziosi or Ethan Willis who asked this question, but I do remember it was 6:50pm on Thursday, one week ago, when all three of them stood on that stage, 20 feet in front of me, and I thought:

That’s it!

It is my thoughts.

I think that I need to be “perfect” for people to want to connect with me, want to learn from me, and be able to trust me.

And then suddenly, overwhelming FEAR set in. Why fear? Because I knew at that moment, in order to move forward, to achieve my goals, I needed to change my thoughts, change my mindset. That’s scary.

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I took the evening to quietly contemplate how I might begin my journey of changing my imprisoning mindset to an empowering one.

I repeated Brendon’s words from the day back to myself like a mantra,

“Own your dream!”

“Do not live below your potential.”

I asked myself over and over:

What am I afraid of?

  • Not being perfect?
  • Not measuring up to society’s standards?
  • Judgment from others?

I thought… pfft… I can handle that! I can change that! Those things may bother me a little bit subconsciously, but with some conscious effort, I’m back in the game baby!

The next morning, I woke up feeling more empowered, positive, ready to take on new challenges.

Later that afternoon, as Trent Shelton inspired everyone in that room, asking the pointed questions… SHIT GOT REAL for me!

“What are you running from, that you need to stop running from?”

“OWN yourself!

OWN your imperfections, your past, your mistakes!

Then NO ONE can hold it against you.

BE YOURSELF!”

Then for the bombshell:

“What’s going to be YOUR story that changes the world?”

  • Give the world your story, it is the ONLY way to influence change in others
  • Be transparent. Share the things you aren’t proud of; THAT is how you will influence others!
  • You never know who is watching; you never know who you are going to affect.
  • Give your pain, your struggle a voice.
  • *Share your journey, don’t worry about it being perfect.

NO… WAY… IN… HELLLLLL!

Forget Everything And Run! FEAR! FEAR! FEAR!

Thanks Trent 😉

There it was! The TRUE answer to the question:

“What’s the story you are telling yourself that is stopping you from reaching your goal?”

I, Krista, cannot share my personal story, my journey with the world.

I cannot be transparent.

I cannot share my pain, my struggles.

Yet I KNOW, in my heart and mind, this IS the only way to influence change.

So… what now?

Alot of tears; Support from my wonderful husband who took the time that evening to identify the positive steps I had already taken in this direction.

Both being Life Coaches, of course we discussed goal setting and strategies for moving forward based on past successes. We also discussed how each success would be celebrated.

I guess I hadn’t even thought about some of my successes in this area, until that night. I thought I was starting at zero. Sharing them now will be another success.

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I will share one for the first time to begin this journey… deep breath.
On my website, I briefly share that I was widowed at 37 years old. My husband died by suicide after 13 years of marriage. I don’t have shame, I don’t have guilt because he chose to take his life. I do have guilt because of what it did to my daughter and my other daughter who is no longer with us. I didn’t fully understand the damage that was being done with us all living under one roof, as a family. I thought it was safer for my girls, to keep us all together rather than to have them alone with him on weekends, if we were to separate.

Our marriage did end, but my husband slept in the guest room for ten months and we made every effort to make it appear “normal” to our girls and everyone else. At that time, I did very seriously look into whether my children could be protected by the mental health act or any act for that matter, and not be under his care if they chose (despite their young ages), but they could not. He had rights to see his children (which I didn’t want to keep him from) unsupervised, despite his serious mental health concerns. So I did what I thought was best for as long as possible. I believe I was wrong now. I continue to live with the consequences of my decisions. I continue to work through my guilt.

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I am changing my definition of fear as I work through this process. I am allowing fear to contribute to my growth.

Holy cow! I did it!

What am I running from? Not that! I’m on a roll.

Here’s something no one knew… (well some friends and family knew our story, but not that it is available on Amazon) 😉

In 2015, I wrote a personal story about our ectopic losses that was published in the book, The Untold Stories of Ectopic Pregnancies, Part 2, {Compiled by Cindy Sexton, available on Amazon.com}, entitled “Our Bean and Our Blueberry”. (and told no one lol)

In March 2014, we had a ruptured ectopic. I lost a baby with a beating heart, that we heard, more than once. I also lost a fallopian tube. My life was very much in danger, but I recovered well. In July 2014, at 8 weeks pregnant again, we had another ruptured ectopic. This time I felt immense pain around my kidneys, shoulder blades and eventually lungs from the internal bleeding. I lost another baby with teeny arms and stubs for legs and a healthy beating heart. I also lost my second fallopian tube and experienced damage to my ovary as a cyst the size of an orange was removed. I lost alot of blood, and this time, the fight back was not as easy.

I am a private person. Our wedding was scheduled for less than two weeks. We had to change the date and tell those that were invited and all the vendors. We were showered with love and kindness. We didn’t however, take the time to grieve as we had to replan our wedding, and focus on my recovery. That is why I wrote the story. It was my therapy. I did it for me.

I have more difficult stories to share. I will continue to work up the courage to do so by changing my mindset, changing my thoughts and reminding myself of the importance of authenticity.

I am grateful for such a forum, I am grateful for the inspiration and encouragement from Trent Shelton, Brendon Burchard and others last weekend.

I know from past losses and past trauma, that the only way to repair is to face the pain.

“Pain is the foundation of strength.” -Trent Shelton

The toughest moments in your life, the moments you hate the most, the moments that are most difficult to share – those are the moments that build you up the most! Those are the moments that make you GROW! Those are the moments that inspire others to grow!


Achieve All Goals: The 5 Step Mindset Shift 

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change-your-mind-set“I wish…”

“If only…”

“It’s not fair…”

“Why can’t I….”

Just shift your mindset and you can!

If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.

-Maya Angelou

Is your mind caught up in negative thought patterns?  nothing-changes-if-nothing-changes-252x300

Life satisfaction begins with a positive mindset.

  • If you believe you are pathetic, guess what…
  • If you believe you will fail, you are destined to.
  • However…
  • If you believe you are powerful, you are!
  • If you believe you will succeed, you can!

Mindset is a way of thinking, based on a set of beliefs, that determines one’s behaviour, outlook and mental attitude.

Your mind is a powerful tool, fill it with positive thoughts and your life will start to change positively. 

Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by CHANGE.

                                                                            -Jim Rohn

What do you want? What do you truly want your everyday “normal” to be? Really think about it.

  • Maybe you want to start working out each morning before the kids wake up, and feel energized.
  • Or you have a weight loss plan you are considering;
  • How about an education or career plan that you have been thinking about? Put it into action!
  • Are you thinking you would like to travel more?
  • Or do you and your partner want to spend more quality time together?

new-mindsetIt is not an unreachable dream… a future plan.  Part of creating your “normal” for today is picturing it as a natural part of your everyday life now.  Visualize it, and master the art of living it now.  Be the energy you want to attract. Begin to live it, create your “normal”, your new reality.

Right now some of you are saying:

“Ya but, my life has been so hard.”  

“My circumstances don’t allow for the changes I want to make.”

“You don’t know what I’ve been through.”

MINDSET.

I, like you, have endured some struggles.

In the past 5 years, I have been widowed in my late 30’s, after 13 years of marriage (suicide as a result of PTSD); lost my dad to cancer; battled for my own life twice with two ruptured ectopics, and suffered the loss of those pregnancies; coped with the effects of our adopted daughter’s mental illness and the associated loss; and am currently dealing with the neurological illness that my thriving 14 year old has suddenly developed and is now affecting her athletic and academic performance; I have had to change careers; and more…  My struggles will not be the same as yours, and can’t be compared.  But we all have struggles.  It is how we choose to let them affect us.4fc6423507712f33a596b77fae2872e5

Make the choice to change your perspective and embrace today with positivity, despite the challenges and stumbling blocks, and always be grateful for the little things (a sunset, a puppy licking you, a baby trying to walk, a horse running through a field, the majestic mountains in the distance, a cup of coffee, a smile from a stranger…).

My life would not be as happy, fulfilled and wonderful as it is without gratitude and a shift to a positive mindset.

A positive mindset, gratitude, always remember that everyone has struggles, and it is how they choose to deal with them, that can create positive change; this is how I have achieved my goals, and chosen to live the life I am living.

Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.

                                                                                                               -George Bernard Shaw

What choices do you need to make to create this “normal”?

 

What actions do you need to take?

  1. Define your goal(s)
  2. Change your beliefs – from negative thought patterns to positive thought patterns; “I am worthy of this”; “I am deserving”; “there is time”; etc
  3. Think positive thoughts – “I can do this!”
  4. Identify fears and potential obstacles – “I will not succeed”; “I have failed in the past”; “I will not have the support of others”; “I do not believe in myself”; “I cannot stick with anything”; etc
  5. Practice gratitude – be grateful for what you do have, and each step that you do accomplish toward achieving your goal and shifting your mindsetmindset-shift

 

To achieve goals and live the life you want to live, you don’t need superhuman strength, or the ability to time travel or wall crawl like Spiderman.  All you need is to change your mind. Sounds pretty simple really, doesn’t it?

 

 

With Positive Thoughts for your Mindset Shift,

Krista

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


I Found It… The Secret To A Happier Life

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If I said I found the secret to a happier and more fulfilling life, and it is an effortless habit, that takes only minutes a day…

Would you be interested in knowing what it is?

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It can:

  1. Lift your mood
  2. Increase motivation
  3. Help you focus your time and energy on the things in your life that you really want to “live with intention
  4. Not allow you to take things for granted
  5. Lift your spirits; experience joy, even in more difficult times

thG4IX9KVM    Have you guessed yet? (here are a few more hints…)

  • Focus on what is already here, what already surrounds you
  • Focus on what you can be grateful for in your life

Focus on GRATITUDE EVERYDAY, throughout the day!

That’s right… it is GRATITUDE!

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Gratitude fosters happiness, and doesn’t everyone strive for happiness?

To cultivate both gratitude and happiness:

Pause/Breathe:    simply pause throughout your day, a brief pause, and ask yourself the question –  What or who can I be grateful for today, in my life? 

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Enjoy the View:    look around you throughout your day, and appreciate and acknowledge your surroundings, be grateful for them (the beautiful sunset, the laughing children, the cute puppy, the majestic mountains)

Be Insightful:    improve your self-esteem and self-confidence by being appreciative of yourself.  Make a habit of identifying things you can be grateful for about yourself each day (you helped someone out, you made a good decision, you met a goal, your sense of humour was spot on today)

The Little Things:    look for the small daily things you can appreciate, the things you may take for granted (your lunch, your dog welcoming you home each day, your car getting you to work each morning, the pen that allows you to write your thoughts/lists)

Timing is Everything:    You will learn to recognize and acknowledge gratitude all the time, before you know it! But until then, it helps to set aside 1 minute in the morning each day or 1-2 minutes in the evening, before bed, and use a journal or Gratitude Box

IMG_7189  GratitudePinterestLI   gratitude-journal--225x300  (see: New Years GRATITUTIONS (Part II) for some great ideas!)

Yell It From the Rooftops:    You can’t keep all of this gratitude bottled up inside! You need to express it! You are grateful for all that surrounds you and you are happier, so let others know you are grateful for having them in your life – make them happy as well!

So there you have it! The secret to a happier and more fulfilling life:

GRATITUDE!

Happiness isn’t about finding something new, it is about focusing on what is already here, and appreciating it, being thankful for it.

Gratitude turns what you already have into enough.

You can always choose to be grateful, which in turn, means you can always choose to be happy.  Think about it…

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With overwhelming gratitude for my multitude of simple life blessings, and in happiness,

Krista