Growth… But First, Fear

(My husband and I attended the Growth Summit in Phoenix, Arizona, Oct 19-21, 2017. There were the most incredible, inspiring and influential people there. Brendon Burchard, Larry King, Dr. Daniel Amen, Dean Graziosi, Ethan Willis, Trent Shelton, Chris and Heidi Powell, Daniel “Rudy” Reuttiger, Harvey McKay, and more. I will share my biggest moment from that weekend with you.)

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“What’s the story you are telling yourself that is stopping you from reaching your goal?”

I can’t remember if it was Brendon Burchard, Dean Graziosi or Ethan Willis who asked this question, but I do remember it was 6:50pm on Thursday, one week ago, when all three of them stood on that stage, 20 feet in front of me, and I thought:

That’s it!

It is my thoughts.

I think that I need to be “perfect” for people to want to connect with me, want to learn from me, and be able to trust me.

And then suddenly, overwhelming FEAR set in. Why fear? Because I knew at that moment, in order to move forward, to achieve my goals, I needed to change my thoughts, change my mindset. That’s scary.

F forget

E everything

A and

R run

I took the evening to quietly contemplate how I might begin my journey of changing my imprisoning mindset to an empowering one.

I repeated Brendon’s words from the day back to myself like a mantra,

“Own your dream!”

“Do not live below your potential.”

I asked myself over and over:

What am I afraid of?

  • Not being perfect?
  • Not measuring up to society’s standards?
  • Judgment from others?

I thought… pfft… I can handle that! I can change that! Those things may bother me a little bit subconsciously, but with some conscious effort, I’m back in the game baby!

The next morning, I woke up feeling more empowered, positive, ready to take on new challenges.

Later that afternoon, as Trent Shelton inspired everyone in that room, asking the pointed questions… SHIT GOT REAL for me!

“What are you running from, that you need to stop running from?”

“OWN yourself!

OWN your imperfections, your past, your mistakes!

Then NO ONE can hold it against you.

BE YOURSELF!”

Then for the bombshell:

“What’s going to be YOUR story that changes the world?”

  • Give the world your story, it is the ONLY way to influence change in others
  • Be transparent. Share the things you aren’t proud of; THAT is how you will influence others!
  • You never know who is watching; you never know who you are going to affect.
  • Give your pain, your struggle a voice.
  • *Share your journey, don’t worry about it being perfect.

NO… WAY… IN… HELLLLLL!

Forget Everything And Run! FEAR! FEAR! FEAR!

Thanks Trent ūüėČ

There it was! The TRUE answer to the question:

“What’s the story you are telling yourself that is stopping you from reaching your goal?”

I, Krista, cannot share my personal story, my journey with the world.

I cannot be transparent.

I cannot share my pain, my struggles.

Yet I KNOW, in my heart and mind, this IS the only way to influence change.

So… what now?

Alot of tears; Support from my wonderful husband who took the time that evening to identify the positive steps I had already taken in this direction.

Both being Life Coaches, of course we discussed goal setting and strategies for moving forward based on past successes. We also discussed how each success would be celebrated.

I guess I hadn’t even thought about some of my successes in this area, until that night. I thought I was starting at zero. Sharing them now will be another success.

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I will share one for the first time to begin this journey… deep breath.
On my website, I briefly share that I was widowed at 37 years old. My husband died by suicide after 13 years of marriage. I don’t have shame, I don’t have guilt because he chose to take his life. I do have guilt because of what it did to my daughter and my other daughter who is no longer with us. I didn’t fully understand the damage that was being done with us all living under one roof, as a family. I thought it was safer for my girls, to keep us all together rather than to have them alone with him on weekends, if we were to separate.

Our marriage did end, but my husband slept in the guest room for ten months and we made every effort to make it appear “normal” to our girls and everyone else. At that time, I did very seriously look into whether my children could be protected by the mental health act or any act for that matter, and not be under his care if they chose (despite their young ages), but they could not. He had rights to see his children (which I didn’t want to keep him from) unsupervised, despite his serious mental health concerns. So I did what I thought was best for as long as possible. I believe I was wrong now. I continue to live with the consequences of my decisions. I continue to work through my guilt.

F face

E everything

A and

R rise

I am changing my definition of fear as I work through this process. I am allowing fear to contribute to my growth.

Holy cow! I did it!

What am I running from? Not that! I’m on a roll.

Here’s something no one knew… (well some friends and family knew our story, but not that it is available on Amazon) ūüėČ

In 2015, I wrote a personal story about our ectopic losses that was published in the book, The Untold Stories of Ectopic Pregnancies, Part 2, {Compiled by Cindy Sexton, available on Amazon.com}, entitled “Our Bean and Our Blueberry”. (and told no one lol)

In March 2014, we had a ruptured ectopic. I lost a baby with a beating heart, that we heard, more than once. I also lost a fallopian tube. My life was very much in danger, but I recovered well. In July 2014, at 8 weeks pregnant again, we had another ruptured ectopic. This time I felt immense pain around my kidneys, shoulder blades and eventually lungs from the internal bleeding. I lost another baby with teeny arms and stubs for legs and a healthy beating heart. I also lost my second fallopian tube and experienced damage to my ovary as a cyst the size of an orange was removed. I lost alot of blood, and this time, the fight back was not as easy.

I am a private person. Our wedding was scheduled for less than two weeks. We had to change the date and tell those that were invited and all the vendors. We were showered with love and kindness. We didn’t however, take the time to grieve as we had to replan our wedding, and focus on my recovery. That is why I wrote the story. It was my therapy. I did it for me.

I have more difficult stories to share. I will continue to work up the courage to do so by changing my mindset, changing my thoughts and reminding myself of the importance of authenticity.

I am grateful for such a forum, I am grateful for the inspiration and encouragement from Trent Shelton, Brendon Burchard and others last weekend.

I know from past losses and past trauma, that the only way to repair is to face the pain.

“Pain is the foundation of strength.” -Trent Shelton

The toughest moments in your life, the moments you hate the most, the moments that are most difficult to share – those are the moments that build you up the most! Those are the moments that make you GROW! Those are the moments that inspire others to grow!


Ho Ho Ho, Merry Thanksgiving and Happy 50% off!

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The holiday season is rapidly approaching!

Snow is falling in some areas, temperatures are changing in others, the Menorahs are being pulled out of the attic, and Christmas trees are being decorated; latkes are being made, the mkeka and Kinara are being placed; the social gathering invitations are starting to roll in, the smell of cookies baking is beginning to fill homes…

Whether you celebrate Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, Christmas, or one of many other holiday traditions, the joy of the holiday celebrations are upon us!

American Thanksgiving is this weekend.

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This means:

bestbuy-and-walmart-black-friday-deals¬† black-friday¬†¬†Black Friday Shopping (which now begins on Thursday, THANKSGIVING DAY, at most stores, meaning many people are missing Thanksgiving dinner with family in lieu of “doorbuster deals”)

¬† ¬†¬†macysparade-cropped¬† macys-parade¬†¬†macys-santa-and-sleigh¬†the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade with Santa Claus making his first appearance

o-prayer-thanksgiving-facebook¬† 431e971b954b4ba1e6f07f2a58fd4dc6stuffing ourselves like turkeys as we enjoy time with family and friends (hopefully…if you aren’t on the social media diet plan this Thanksgiving)

images-3  images  images-1 NFL football

toysrus-cyber-monday-2016-dealsCyber Monday shopping (now…Cyber WEEK… both online and in-store, cyber no more!)

2014_0510_nbcuxd_upfront2014_christmasroccentr_alternateimage_1920x1080_ca  Christmas tree lightings in major cities (NYC, November 30th)

 and many more festivities.

So…unless we, as individuals, take the time to acknowledge Thanksgiving as a day to be thankful; gratitude on Thanksgiving seems to have been overshadowed by the consumerism of the holiday weekend, and possibly even by Christmas.

Did you notice, in fact, that Thanksgiving is no longer about Thanksgiving? It is mostly about preparing for Christmas! ¬†We aren’t given the opportunity to even celebrate one holiday, before the next one has completely upstaged it. ¬†Black Friday now begins on Thanksgiving Day. WHAT???

Christmas appears to now be a six-week celebration that begins Thanksgiving Day.¬†Is this why statistically more US citizens have had a family turkey dinner at Thanksgiving than at Christmas, in past years… are they simply sick of the celebrations by the time December 25th rolls around? ¬†With Black Friday bargains, and the need for more “stuff” beginning to outshine quality time and experiences with family and friends, in the eyes of many, will Thanksgiving dinners begin to dimish as well? Black Friday now begins on Thursday… what next?

images-2What if Thanksgiving were celebrated as Thanksgiving?  A time to observe our blessings and give thanks, rather than to take part in 50% off sales and pre-Christmas celebrations.

If the lines were not blurred and we took the time for three days of solace and gratitude in a hectic, highly connected world, would we not experience more peace and more joy this Thanksgiving?  Has the commercialism, the almighty dollar, the iPad on sale, become that much more important than our peace of mind?

Many Canadians have jumped on the Black Friday and Cyber Monday bandwagon. ¬†And I have had my home decorated for Christmas for a week now (due partially to convenience, and partly due to love of seasonal ambience), as have many others. ¬†So we are ALL at fault. However, when it comes to gift giving, our family, in the past few years, has begun to focus more on experiences and time together, than on material “things”. ¬†I guess we just need to make sure we are ALL questioning what is important.

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In gratitude, joy and thanksgiving,

Krista


Kindness Leads to Happiness

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Are you kind? Do you practice kindness? If not, how do you do¬†it? Let’s explore…

Let’s start with a basic definition:¬†Kindness is¬†the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate. Does that sound like something you would like to incorporate into your daily life? Wouldn’t that make this world a better place to live? If you’re on board, then read on…

In a recent blog on Aligning Your Values and Goals I mention that kindness is an important value that not everyone has (but I certainly wish it was widespread). In some cultures you may generally notice that kindness is more common than in others.

However, did you know that there is a World Kindness Day celebrated every year on November 13? A simple Google search will pull up several organizations that are resourceful for day-to-day kindness information. One example is the Random Acts of Kindness organization which states on its website:

Imagine a world.

Where people look out for each other.

Where we all pay it forward.

Where success is measured in selfless acts.

Where kindness is the philosophy of life.

Now what about happiness? Does kindness actually lead to happiness? Yes, studies have shown that practicing kindness by giving to others (rather than receiving) can lead to more happiness.

What’s even more exciting is that this can lead to a virtuous cycle which may increase our lasting happiness. According to one study completed by Harvard and University of British Columbia researchers and published in the¬†Journal of Happiness Studies, two happiness findings were apparent according to the authors:

  1. People in general felt happier when they recalled a time they bought something for someone else. People felt even happier than when they remembered buying something for themselves.
  2. The happier people felt about their past generosity, generally the more likely they were in the present to choose to spend on others instead of themselves.

elephant-dog-kindness

So then how do we get to a point where we are practicing more kindness, especially if we feel like we need more of it within ourselves in order to be kinder to others? Kind behavior tends to come to us more naturally when we’re moving towards compassion and connection with others.

Intentionally practicing kindness in our everyday lives, even on days when we’re not in a particularly generous mood, can go a long way toward turning kindness into a habit. That’s largely because of the way kindness breeds happiness: The good feelings serve to reinforce our kind acts and make us more likely to want to perform them in the future.

To state this another way –¬†making¬†concerted effort to perform more kind and generous acts in the short term tends to increase the amount of kindness we perform over the long term.¬†Wow, pretty simple hey?

As Tim McGraw’s song Humble and Kind says:

Don’t take for granted the love this life gives you
When you get where you’re goin
Don’t forget turn back around
And help the next one in line
Always stay humble and kind.

Maximizing the positive effects of generosity can help with kindness as well. One strategy is to take the initiative to learn about the impact of your generosity, which can elicit contagious feelings of joy. For example, see this video of a bone marrow donor meeting the little girl whose life he saved.

So get out there and practice kindness. Let’s all chip in individually to help make this world a better place.

Stay kind,

-Kevin